Why is it that with this generation so many “kids” seem bound & determined to have such serious relationships so young? I can hear people talk; they say it’ll never last, they need to live first, they can’t have kids now they can barely support themselves, they need to make their stake professionally first, yada yada yada.
That was honestly my first thought when I realized my beautiful daughter Kelsey was pregnant. Oh no! How could this happen (please, yes I know how!)? My first instinct was that she and Adam couldn’t raise a child, they’re just babies themselves! Kelsey still doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up and Adam is a tad to content for as young as he is. How in the world will they make this work? I’ve stressed about this, I’ve prayed about this more than most of the issues in my tumultuous past – yep, really!
I think way back to that late November day over 20 years ago when I first realized that I was pregnant with Kelsey. George and I had been married for over 5 years and had lived together for a few years before that. It was the week of opening day of buck (that’s deer season folks) so George had gone down to camp to hangout for a few days with Uncle Tommy, cousin Mike and their crew from the Burgh. I called camp to see how things were going and to find out when George was heading home. Uncle Tommy set the phone down for a few minutes so he could go fetch George off the roof of the camp. Apparently they’d gotten a tremendous amount of snow at camp and the men were having a snowball battle. George had occupied the roof for a better view and aim. Not really how you would think a newly expecting father would be occupying his time, right?
I was 29 at the time, George was 33. He made a good salary with the PA State Police and I was doing well at my job doing Marketing and Public Relations for a local forest products company. I was still a nervous wreck about how we would afford this baby! On the other hand people say if you wait to have a baby until you can afford it the human race would be extinct. Hmmm, good point.
Our marriage didn’t make it. We totally screwed up as parents and have emotionally scarred our children for life. I thought we did everything the way we were supposed to. What happened?
So many older couples are having their first child at 35-40-45. So many are choosing to climb the ladder first then marrying & starting families but the divorce rate is higher now than it has ever been. Then I think back even further to my parents.
My Mother married my Father when she was just 16. She had my oldest sister when she was 17…..yes, the entire family counted the months to her birth 13 months later – longest pregnancy on record! Lol Dad took a job at the mill working for US Steel in Homestead after high school. he said he told Grandpa Hilla he’d work there until something better came along. 44 years later at 62 years old he was the last employee from the Big Shop laid-off when US Steel shut down the plant in Pittsburgh. My parents had their fair share of trouble. Just ask Mrs Tamburi about the talks at the dinning room table! My Mom was even going to leave my Dad at one point. That was, just before the big C. I honestly don’t think she would have really left even if she hadn’t been diagnosed, but then what do I know. But I know that my Dad took care of my Momma right up until the day that she died. He said he swore his vows before God and he meant them.
So, being the geek that I am I googled “what is love”. What a disappointment! Wikipedia says that it is a song released May 8, 1983. Youtube has a video about it. Psychology today says it is an instinct more than a feeling. Yet the antient Greeks have seven different words to define the stages of love; Storage, Philia, Eros, Agape, Ludus, Pragma & Philautia. Funny I just had a conversation with a colleague and friend today at lunch who swore that she just couldn’t do this serious dating thing again after being hurt so deeply twice by her husbands. I said “yes you will. The alternative is to be alone forever. You’re already alone and you don’t really want that. It’s scary, but you know all the possibilities. You have to have Faith. If you have Faith then Gods bigger plan will be revealed to you but it will be in His time, not yours.” And I believe, deep in my heart, in every word I spoke to her today. I’m counting on it myself!
So maybe my generation has it all wrong and that’s what’s wrong with America today. Our parents worked hard for what they had, some went through the depression, union strikes and major illnesses. They held their beliefs close to their hearts and persevered, together. My generation, we fall on hard times and we point fingers, we throw mud, we play the blame game and it is every man for himself. Relationships cannot persevere through that. Maybe through all of my generations turmoil and dysfunction, the next generation can see past our issues to what really matters. Back to our parents and grandparents days.
Looking back, I truly believe in the good old fashioned values and morals……..I’m still praying hard on this little baby of love growing in my babies belly. I don’t know what the future holds for Kelsey, Adam or Baby Giddens. But I do know that this baby will be loved no matter what. The rest I’ve just turned over and Gods will shall be done. They’ll figure it out as they go.